re-post from old blog December 10, 2022
Current Weight: 358.6 lbs
In an effort to be transparent, I created my last post to tell part of my health issues story. In September, I started having symptoms again, very familiar with what happened in 2020 to me. Of course, I took the normal approach of when you know something to be wrong, and several ER visits, and again I felt like nobody could hear me. I was at the mercy of waiting for tests, I had multiple CT/MRI scans they couldn’t find anything and on November 23rd I had a EUA procedure in which I cannot recommend at all! They are painful…or at least mine was at any rate. The following week, when I had my follow-up appointment with the surgeon, she told me they found another rectovaginal fistula. In my mind I knew this would be the outcome, the frustrating part is all the months and weeks waiting for what I had already suspected. November 4th I had seen a new gynecologist and I left his office feeling hopeful, however in the following weeks waiting on the referral he told me he would make for me never transpired.
There comes a point when you get annoyed with how hard you have to fight for your own survival, especially when you have a whole list of specialists you already see. But I am going somewhat sideways on the general topic. My surgeon follow-up informed me this time around she couldn’t do my surgery she explained it would be a very long surgery and she was going to refer me to a colorectal surgeon at the biggest hospital in my state. I had faith in my general surgeon she had saved my life and I trusted her was handing me off to someone else. I felt deflated by that, maybe even hurt that this was going to be so complicated an uphill struggle for me to follow with someone else. My 1st appointment with the new doctor is on January the 9th 2023. All the weeks of symptoms that I still have and continue to have daily to such a degree that I will not mention them, I do not like to say them out loud let alone sit here and type them as well. As a woman this is not something you want to ever happen to you, I made the mistake of joining a few Facebook groups for vaginal fistulas and the horror stories were enough to make me leave. To move forward you need hope, without hope your just existing in this shell waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Yesterday I was having a very difficult time seeing the positive in this situation and yes if you haven’t went through this with a friend, family member you really can’t understand the cascade of emotions that transpire in your heart and head. I have been trying very hard to make positive changes in my life, recently I have started gratitude, prayer, and manifesting journals as well of gaining interest in doing my artwork again. Some have theories that creative personalities have the highest likelihood for anxiety, which really does make sense. I need to channel my fears on what is to come into something positive. I have so many interests such as digital art, creating graphics, painting, crafting, gardening, reading, writing poetry. I may even share some of my poetry. I created a YouTube channel quite some time ago and I may in fact share all things related to my life on there and provide links to my videos. We will see! I have yet to open my brand new die cutter for paper crafts and who knows what 2023 has in store!
