re-post from old blog February 27, 2023
If you read my blog, feel free to say hi! Time…we think about time from different perspectives. Lately, I have been thinking about my upcoming surgeries. I have been so impatient waiting for what I already know was coming since September 2022, but then you have to wait for doctors to prove it exists. I will be having surgery on March 29th, and according to the surgeon will reduce my risk factor of getting another recto-vaginal fistula to 2%. I am more nervous about this surgery than my others, and I think it’s because it will be done at the University Hospital in Morgantown, WV. I am told my total recovery time will be 4 months from my surgical date, which will mean the end of July. But this is only one part of the puzzle in my current health problems.
Lately, my blood sugar has been all over the place, I am seeing a new PCP on Wednesday I hope she can help me with some of the issues I have been having lately. Millions are diagnosed each year with diabetes. Being one of those people, you want to believe it will never happen to you, and then you hear those words and completely zone out, you’re in denial that it’s true. I have been struggling for months. My last 3 A1C’s have been 7.3, 6.6, and 7.2 how the fuck did I get here? How could I let this happen to me? In my situation, I will tell you how I stopped paying attention to the number on the scale. I know in many situations, there are different reasons people are diagnosed with this horrible disease.
Essentially in my case it is all my fault and I am so pissed off at myself for doing this to myself. I hurt for myself and what managing my symptoms will be for the rest of my life. Daily finger sticks to look at a number, and the vampire machine sometimes tells you, Err which means not enough blood, and you have to waste strips until it’s satisfied with the amount of blood you render to it. Lifelong choices on what to eat and what not eat. Making choices based on what will spike your numbers and what won’t. I am guilty of being afraid of this, guilty of ignoring its existence until I could no longer ignore it. Lately, I had my first experience with neuropathy, and that stuff is no joke at all. Burning, tingling, and numbness that is usually most bothersome at night.
